caleb sat next to an empty chair. the one that used to be filled by you.
i saw caleb quickly wiping away tears that came creeping from his eyes every now and then. so no one would see them. but i saw them. and i remembered you, raising your hand to read out of the book in history class, even though you had a stutter. it never seemed to stop you. i always saw you smiling.
but that terrible monday, i saw your friends cry. i heard randy scream. i saw angelo break down and shut down. and heard everybody crying out loud to a ghost that we couldn't believe was real. but we knew it was the truth when we heard it on the intercom...that you were dead. everyone's tears flooded our school and the crying echoed through the air all the way to your funeral, where i saw your body and i touched your hand. it was cold and blue. that's when i really realized that you were never coming back. i would never see you again. that body i've touched will be buried in the dirt and rot away. all we have is your memory. there will never be another you.
sometimes i wonder what was said that night at your house that weekend before you did it.
i know there was an argument. what did your parents say? and was it so bad?
and i wonder what went through your head that night
when you ran away and went into the barn.
and why it had to take your dad so long to go after you.
your dad, he said he found you still clutching the rope you put around your neck.
he believed you changed your mind at the last second.
he carved your name into the horse stall you were hanging over.
Listening to: in the arms of the angel