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November 26, 2012
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caleb sat next to an empty chair. the one that used to be filled by you.
i saw caleb quickly wiping away tears that came creeping from his eyes every now and then. so no one would see them. but i saw them. and i remembered you, raising your hand to read out of the book in history class, even though you had a stutter. it never seemed to stop you. i always saw you smiling.

but that terrible monday, i saw your friends cry. i heard randy scream. i saw angelo break down and shut down. and heard everybody crying out loud to a ghost that we couldn't believe was real. but we knew it was the truth when we heard it on the intercom...that you were dead. everyone's tears flooded our school and the crying echoed through the air all the way to your funeral, where i saw your body and i touched your hand. it was cold and blue. that's when i really realized that you were never coming back. i would never see you again. that body i've touched will be buried in the dirt and rot away. all we have is your memory. there will never be another you.

sometimes i wonder what was said that night at your house that weekend before you did it.
i know there was an argument. what did your parents say? and was it so bad?

and i wonder what went through your head that night
when you ran away and went into the barn.
and why it had to take your dad so long to go after you.

your dad, he said he found you still clutching the rope you put around your neck.
he believed you changed your mind at the last second.
he carved your name into the horse stall you were hanging over.
  • Listening to: in the arms of the angel
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:iconmiddlenamearthur:
middlenamearthur Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012
Casey, I love your entries. This one really hit home for me. A close friend of mine took her life in this same way less than a year ago... I miss her every day and think of her fondly. I look back on the memories we shared and I'm still close with her family. She was the same; she was sunshine incarnate... I guess we never really know what people are going through, or thinking inside their own minds...
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:iconcwoz:
Cwoz Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2012   Traditional Artist
i'm sorry she did that. it's always heartbreaking in a way that...is hard to describe. and that horrible unanswered "why?"

i just hope you can take away from it what i did. that so many people care about you. more than you will ever know. and it affects people you don't even know. like my picture about james and his grandmother...i bet he never knew his actions would affect me. at all. let alone the way that they did. i just like to remember that when i'm feeling hopeless.

again. i'm really sorry about your friend.
lets hope she's in a good place now.
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:iconnoxious-melancholy:
noxious-melancholy Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2012
Is this true?
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:iconcwoz:
Cwoz Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012   Traditional Artist
i was tripping on some pills i shouldn't have taken when i wrote this...
but yeah. it happened when i was in high school.

my friend hung himself in his family's barn the weekend before finals. my friends and i got to school petty early and the first thing we heard from someone was that he had killed himself. and me and my friends thought it was just some cruel joke, told him it wasn't funny. and we walked away in disbelief. but then they announced it on the loud speaker at school. and then we knew that the rumors where true. it was such a shock, because he was so sweet and smiley and bubbly. and this just happens out of the blue. everyone. and i mean everyone just cried. you could feel the sad tension in the air. and they canceled classes so the students could go to the guidance councilors to talk.
his death was on the front page of the newspaper. and it really shook the whole community. i swear there were hundreds at his funeral. i bet he never knew how loves he actually was. even people who didn't know him attended it. and were crying. each time someone i know kills themselves...it just reminds me how astounding of an effect it has on people. and how the ripples of it never truly end.

i was just feeling so sad that night i wrote this. because my friend now, was telling me how she was going to kill herself. you may think no one will care. but for every person who you think would care or be affected, there's like...dozens and dozens more.

sorry bout the big wall of words. it's just something i've had one my mind for a while now.
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:iconnoxious-melancholy:
noxious-melancholy Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012
Yeah. Well it was really powerful. It's terrible that it happened, but I think you took something really important away from it.

And don't apologize about the length of the reply. Thanks for telling me.
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:iconcwoz:
Cwoz Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012   Traditional Artist
what i took away...was definitely important. definitely.
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:iconnoxious-melancholy:
noxious-melancholy Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2012
Agreed.
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:iconstitchedxtogether:
stitchedXtogether Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012
I'm going to say as much as I feel needs to be said. Sometimes that's not very much for me. But I'm sorry. I wish I could help.
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:iconbaberscamille:
baberscamille Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Student General Artist
oh. i'd apologize, but that never helps
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:icontasteslikeinsanity:
TastesLikeInsanity Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012
oh casey i'm so sorry. i don't know what to say, i feel horrible that your friend felt like that was his only option, because it never is no matter how much it hurts. i'm no good in these types of situations but if you ever wanna talk i'm here i hope you feel better soon
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